Last Monday had been such a perfect day. Sunny, warm, just a bit windy. She and Will had spent the entire day outside with the kids. They had hiked, played catch and soccer. And then they had built a bonfire and roasted hot dogs for supper. That was how they lived. Together, with hardly ever a fight. They laughed so much.

And here it was, Saturday. Cold, rainy, gray. And they were about to put her husband in the ground. He had died Wednesday in a car accident. He had been on the phone with her when the tractor trailer had started crossing over the median towards him. She had heard the panic in his voice. Nina had heard his tires screaming as Will tried to stop. But it was no use, on that narrow stretch of interstate at rush hour, there was no place to go. The doctors told her that he died on impact. But she knew that he had been afraid, she’d heard it. She would always hear it. She had not been able to sleep and she dreaded the rest of her life without him and the pain of half of her very soul being gone. She wanted to climb into the grave and be done with it all.

Then she looked down at her three children and realized that she couldn’t let herself die too. She had to live… if only so they wouldn’t lose both of their parents. But she had no idea how she could do it. How she could possibly be a single parent to an eight year old, a seven year old and a five year old. Nina scooped up her little girl, took her son’s hand and led the way back to a life she had no idea how to live.




The sun shone warmly down on her as she sat by Will’s grave. It was hard to believe that three years to the day had passed. His face was still fresh in her mind. The way he giggled when he was teasing her. She smiled and lay her head down on the soft grass. With a deep breath, she let herself doze off.

When she woke thirty minutes later she felt refreshed. She looked at her watch and saw that it was time to go pick the kids up from their play date. Nina had promised that they could buy some flowers and place them on his grave. She had come early to have some privacy as she grieved. She hated for the kids to see her cry. Sometimes she cried because there was no way to stop the tears from falling. But not usually. It had even gotten to where in the past year she would go for a week or two without crying and four or five days without remembering. She sometimes felt disloyal when that happened. Maybe she shouldn’t, she thought with a shrug of her shoulders, but that was how she felt. She stood up and stretched her arms to the sky and said goodbye. Then she walked the short distance to the gold mini-van that Will had bought for her just two months before he died and left to get back to the busy life that brought her comfort.

As she hung up the telephone, she was very confused and even a little disconcerted. She thought they’d had a lot of fun. They had talked a lot and laughed. They had been to dinner after work a time or two. They had gotten to where they talked on the phone several times a week. But on their first actual date, she had fallen in love. But now … He wouldn’t answer any e-mails or messages.

She’d talked to one of his coworkers that she’d run into at the store, who’d said that he had been in a funk for a while now. She’d asked her how long had he been in this funk. The answer was ‘about two months’. So really, his funk had started about the time of their date. But for the life of her, she had no idea what she had done to annoy him. It would be so much easier if he would just tell her. That way she could start getting over him. He had made it abundantly clear that he found her company undesirable. As much as her heart hurt at his rejection, the not knowing what she had done made it even worse. She vowed that she would put any thoughts of him out of her mind and not contact him again. That way she could at least spare him the irritation of having to deal with her again.


What she had no way of knowing and in fact, had completely misconstrued, was that he was deeply disturbed by his attraction to her. She was sweet and funny and smart. All of that, he could handle. What kept him awake at night and interrupted his thoughts during the day, was how attracted he was to her.

There had been that moment at the park, on their date, when they had stopped beside the trail at the cement bench. In that moment, with the sun shining down and the wind stirring her hair, she had laughed at something clever that he’d said. As he watched her, he felt every muscle in his body tighten and his nerves tingle. She’s the one. The thought had hit him like a freight train, knocking the wind out of him. He was 45 years old. He had long ago resigned himself to the cold truth that there was no one for him. He had wanted to marry once upon a time. But as the years past, he realized that he never would. Sure, he dated occasionally, just to keep from being lonely and for a change of pace. And now, here he was feeling the need to take this 26 year old child home and never let her go. It wasn’t an itch that needed scratching. He felt ripped apart with need for her. The need to hold her, make love to her for the rest of their lives. The need to take care of her and let her take care of him. He was staggered. But he was sure … no, convinced, that she would never see him that way. He was old enough to be her father. In fact the only reason that she had even gone out with him that day for a ride on his bike was to relive her childhood, when her Dad had taken her for motorcycle rides. Frankly, he was embarrassed. So he had avoided her. It was all he could figure out to do.


When he walked in the door to his house, he heard her voice being recorded by his answering machine. She sounded disappointed. No … defeated. He walked into his bedroom and hit the play button on his machine.


“Hi. I hope everything is okay with you. I know we haven’t talked in a while…. Listen. I’m just going to say this. Please tell me what I did. I know that I upset you somehow. Or maybe I just annoyed you. I told you that I do that all the time … annoy people that is. I just wanted to say, I’m sorry. I ask too many questions and chatter on too much. Well … anyway… I hope you’re okay. I mean, that nothing’s wrong. So, … um … I guess I’ll see you around. Bye.”


He was stunned. He never for once considered the possibility that she would even notice his absence. And yet, she had sounded sad and hurt. And unsure of herself. He dropped his bag onto the floor as he fell stunned onto his bed. Maybe she didn’t look at him as a father figure. Maybe …. But how could that even be possible? He lay there for a long time puzzling over it.

The only conclusion he could come to was that he had to find out. If he made a fool of himself then … so be it. He had already discovered that being with her was too powerful to allow him to be her casual friend. So if she laughed at him, what was he losing? Except his pride. But what if…? What if she liked him in that way? Could he in good conscience let her choose an old man over a handsomer, younger one? He pushed up off the bed with a resolution that he’d not felt in weeks. This had to be settled now. Tonight. He checked his Caller I.D. to make sure that she’d called from home. Seeing that she had, he grabbed his helmet, having decided that it would be much faster to take his bike. He was anxious to find out the truth now that he’d set his mind to it.


She was pulling weeds in her front flower bed when she heard the sound of what she would have bet her life was a Harley. Why now? I just want to forget him. She hummed louder to drown out the noise. In fact, she was humming so loudly that her lazy hound dog lifted his head to give her a strange look. She pulled the last weed and threw it in the bucket at the same time that she realized the throbbing of the motorcycle engine was getting really close now. Unable to resist the urge to look, she sat back on her heels and pushed her sweaty hair out of her eyes, wondering what color the bike would be. She hoped it wouldn’t be blue. Her heart flipped over once and then slammed into her stomach when she saw that it was blue AND it was turning into her driveway. No thoughts came to her then, only feelings. Hope came first. Then fear. Then sadness.


As it got closer, happiness took over. It was him. He had come to see her. She wiped her hands on the hips of her jeans and pulled her ponytail down. She was putting it back up in a more secure knot when he got off his bike. He took off his helmet and looked at her. She tried to smile, hoping that it looked like a sign of calmness and not the nervousness that she felt churning inside her.

“Hey. What brings you out here to my neck of the woods?”

“You.”

“What? You made a special trip out here just to see me?”

“I just need to ask you one question. I hope I’m not about to embarrass us both.” He rubbed his hand over his neck and wrinkled his brow together.

“What is it? Just ask.” She had no idea what to expect. Was he going to scold her for some foolish comment she’d made or finally tell her what she had done?

After another uncomfortable second, he finally blurted out, “Do you see me as a father figure?”

All she could do was stare at him, trying to process what he’d asked. Father figure? Where had that come from? It wasn’t computing. It was, quite honestly, absurd. But he looked very serious. In fact, he looked scared to death. Then it finally dawned on her. He liked her. HE LIKED HER. He was afraid that she saw him, not as a lover, but as a … father figure?

“No. I have never looked at you as anything remotely resembling a father.” With that said, she walked over until she stood only a few inches from him. Reaching out to touch his chest, she asked, “Do you look at me like a daughter?”

From the look of pain on his face, she felt sure the answer was going to be “No.” So without waiting for an answer, she ran her hands up his chest and into his hair as she stepped closer. He speared her with a final dangerous look before he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. And that kiss destroyed any doubts that they were meant for each other.